Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
