I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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