I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
