Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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