At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
