Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
