I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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