you would pick up someone in the library
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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