whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
