Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
