So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
