Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
