6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
