I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
