At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
