First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
