im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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