I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
