its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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