Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
