Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
