I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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