dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
