I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
