Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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