dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
