hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
