you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
