something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
