it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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