alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
