some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
