girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
