I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
