I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
