My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
