Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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