Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
