Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
