Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
