3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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