He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
