Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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