Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
