can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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