think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Boobs are out for the taking
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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