my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
