She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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