I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
