You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
