I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
