Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
