I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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