take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
