i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
